A disorder is a state of mess, disarray, disorganization, confusion and chaos. Unfortunately, this describes perfectly the state of affairs in the lives of many Nigerians today.
Many of us have no charge or control over our lives. We are not free, our progress, advancement, peace, joy, comfort, convenience are not within our control. We can’t decide what we want, how we want it and when we want it. Most of us have given up on our dreams, our wonderful and inspiring childhood dreams are dead and today, we live our daily life as it comes not as we wish for it or desire it.
We’ve developed the required coping mechanism to remain alive and satisfied in mediocrity and smallness.
We are no longer great dreamers, great achievers, or passionate in the pursuit of goals and purpose. We hold people, institutions, employers, the government and even God responsible for our crisis, shortcomings and chaos. We look at life from a malevolent point of view. Hmm.
Many of us plunged into this state in life based on misinformation and misdirection. We perhaps took advice and counsel from people who really don’t know what they’re talking about. I read a post recently that it is dangerous to accept a gift of clothing from a naked man. How true.
In frequent interactions with some members of my business academy, I’ve come to see how many were misled by teachings of people who lack the educational and experiential qualification to guide and advice on critical business matters. They respected these teachers and in some cases trusted them based on wrong perceptions and it eventually cost them greatly.
One of the major flaw I’ve detected in the advice offered by most so called expert when it comes to business or even career is the exaggerated place of passion as a requirement for success. You can be extremely passionate about something, love it to pieces and seriously want to do and still fail woefully at it, because passion is not ability. And you may not even be excited about something initially or be interested in it but once you start off on it, you begin to develop a strong liking for it, passion for it begins to grow. I never had any interest or passion for public speaking before I started but afterwards, I began to like it.
It is possible to love something be passionate about it and desire it so much, yet fail at it because:
- You are not gifted at it. You may love to do something but you’re not naturally gifted or talented at it. I don’t think Mike Tyson would have done very well as the king of pop music, and I don’t think Michael Jackson would have survive in any boxing ring to enjoy a successful boxing career. For passion to apply, you need natural talent.
- You are not ready for it. Anything you attempt prematurely no matter the passion will likely fail. I don’t think it’s bright for any fresh graduate to go into self-employment straight without at least five years working for someone or another organization before venturing. Familiarity with process and standard practice is key for passion to birth success.
- You’re not trained for it. If you lack the requisite skills to do something excellently, no matter the passion, you’re likely going to fail at it. Excellence and productivity are outcomes of good training, not just passion.
- You’re not educated at it. Your intellectual capacity and prowess at a venture is very key to success, if you lack knowledge and know how, passion can’t make up for it.
- You lack the experience. Every business, career, project or venture has got its success secret. No one will tell you this and you can’t discover it until you serve someone who’s already in it. Inconsistencies and life dynamics makes experience imperative for success. Passion can never replace experience.
Dear friend, you’re perhaps unhappy, discouraged and confused today because you jumped into something you really loved based on passion and you failed woefully at it. Not really knowing why you failed, your mind and uninformed feedback began to conjure all kinds of reasons and possibilities for your failure.
Worst still, you see, every day, people succeeding and doing so greatly at what you love to do also, but failed at, hence jealousy, envy and strife took over your mind. You began to scheme on how to pull down that person, not because he or she’s done you any wrong, but you can’t just handle your own surprise failure.
Sadly, this has made vile many destinies in life and many lives today are filled with confusion, chaos, frustration, crisis and bitterness. Many have further plunged down to a malevolent world view.
A malevolent world view makes you negative and cynical about everything in life. You’ll always look for the worst in people and situations. You’ll lose your self-esteem and self-worth, you would seize to like yourself hence, won’t be able to like anyone especially those you perceived as undeservingly successful. You’ll wake up daily and see problems everywhere, you’ll see injustice, oppression, unfairness, inequality in income and status everywhere. No situation would be satisfactory to you, nothing will ever be good enough, you’ll never acknowledge any improvement, something will always be wrong – hmmm, a malevolent world view. Dear friend, it’s a dangerous view to embrace.
It’s time to get rid of the crisis, the chaos, the confusion, the mess and the frustration you’re perhaps confronting every day in your life. The good, bad and ugly in life and in Nigeria have always been and will remain forever as long as we remain imperfect human beings, so get real. It’s time you adopt and embrace a benevolent perspective, a positive, happy and fulfilling perspective of life.
Stop trying to control everything and everybody, this will make you perpetually unhappy. You can make known your grievance, disappointment and hurt, even strongly when necessary, but leave people to make their decisions. Don’t be offended if they choose to ignore you and your counsel. Its time you focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Create your happiness by re-opening the file on your dream, asking yourself sincerely why you failed. Was it lack of talent, experience, education? Was it immaturity, impatience, wrong advice or hasty gratification? Its time you again, define yourself and define your success type; don’t be distracted by anyone either the succeeding or the failing, focus more on your own matter. Start creating your own dream life, secure a release from your ultra-high expectations from the government, your employer, your parents, friends, rich associates and other people. Expectations hurt, people don’t. Do it yourself, build your own life by yourself, what you could then discover is, your help might come faster and easier from strangers than those who know you, as strangers are not in social or income rivalry with you. Give your dream-life a positive direction, bury your past disappointments and favorite excuses permanently, it is time to fix your life! Dear friend, reorder your destiny, become a happy person.
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