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Showing posts with label RELATIONSHIP. Show all posts
Showing posts with label RELATIONSHIP. Show all posts

Tuesday, 7 August 2018

Can You Stay Friends After Sex?

Every relationship has its moments, and so do friendships. Let’s say you have a friend and, along the line, you both start getting sexually attracted to each other. Then you end up having sex with them, things get awkward, and it damages the friendship.

While this may seem like the way some modern-day relationships work, there are ways you can stay friends after having sex.

Here are a few tips:

Have “the talk”
It may seem easier to act like nothing happened or to avoid each other, most especially when it was a one-time thing. But it helps both parties to sit, talk and evaluate the friendship. Decide if you both want it to grow into a relationship or not.

Accept the decision made
Sometimes, the feelings may not be mutual, and one party may feel more than another. Either way, it is better to accept whatever decision you both make and move on or end the friendship.

Give some space
If you both have decided not to nurture the relationship, then you can either go ahead and continue as friends or take a healthy break from the friendship in a situation where the feeling isn’t mutual.

Don’t stalk each other
Most people say that the point when they stop stalking their ex is when they know they have finally moved on. Although it will take a while, this is one healthy way to make some space. Take up healthy hobbies, visit new places and just have fun.

Declare boundaries
More often than not when you have sex with a friend, it goes on more than once. Learn to declare boundaries and state what you really want out of the friendship. Until then, you may end up more hurt than when you started.
Read More »

Wednesday, 25 July 2018

13 REASON WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE

Being lonely sucks. Some people remain single for such a long time that they start to think that the universe is out to get them or the terrestrial forces from their village put a target on their forehead. Well, the good news is that you’re not being attacked by the universe or terrestrial forces. The bad news, however, is that you may be the cause for your relationship status.

While the title is inspired by the famous TV show, “13 reasons why”, here are the 13 likely reasons why you are still single:

1.You fear being vulnerable
People often fear what they don’t know and try to protect themselves from situations where they become dependent on someone else either for their happiness or something else. People fear getting hurt, but the only trick or solution to this is to find the right person to be vulnerable with.

2.You’re stuck in a “Situation-ship”
Like the modern day relationship tagged “Friends with benefits”(FWB), most people these days like to avoid the responsibilities that comes with being in a relationship so they just prefer to have their sexual needs met without being emotionally attached.
Getting out of this type of relationship gets tough when one party gets emotionally attached. The only way out of this is having a discussion about what you both want and if it doesn’t match your needs, take a further step to end it and move on.

3.You’re stuck on an ex
Moving on from a loved one can prove tough but, no matter how cliche it may seem, you have to go out and meet new people. Some breakups can leave you confused and have you questioning your awesomeness. But give yourself another chance to love and stop pushing away people who make an attempt.

4.You believe in “e-romance”
Although it may seem easier and they may meet your attachment needs, online romances aren’t always the real deal and are often not good enough.

5.You’re looking for “the one”
Most people think there is only one ideal partner meant for them in the entire universe and they limit themselves to finding the perfect one without giving any other person a chance. We suggest that you correct your mindset, choose someone, and then allow them to get closer to you.

6.You limit yourself with standards
People often focus on certain criteria like “must have a college degree,” “must live within this distance” “must be this age” “must drive this car” “must be 6ft tall” etc, but while its always good to have a standard, learn not to limit yourself to types and get carried away as someone could possess all of your superficial criteria, and still be a wrong for you or not be even remotely attracted to you.

7.You don’t know what you want
People often like to lament on how they are single and haven’t met anyone, but when asked what exactly they want or need from a partner they go blank. Deciding what you really want in a partner gets you 50% ahead of your search.
If you’re really ready to be serious,you’ll have to be very expressive with your words and stop saying things like “lets see how things go”, “I’m not sure what i want right now”,etc.

8.You’re impatient and settle too easily
You hear of people starting a new relationship just after breaking up with another person. Although some people use this as a coping mechanism, it mostly never works as they just always try to fill a void. After a break up, allow yourself be sad and cry if you want, express your emotions instead of bottling it up then when you feel you’ve moved on then you can begin a new relationship

9.You Play Hard to Get
While it may seem like fun to take your time and play the hardball game,there is really no point in making a person to keep trying if you don’t share the same feelings. Once you realize there is no possible chance to have a serious relationship with a person,let this person know so you both can move on to other people.

10.You Think You Should Wait.
These days you hear guys say they are waiting to have money before they get into a relationship and other excuses from ladies on wy they would rather wait.
The truth remains that you can find that special someone and improve while you’re with them.

11.You Think Good Mates Are Scarce
The fact that you have met some bad eggs doesn’t mean everyone is out to disappoint you.Sitting back and hoping the right one finds you isn’t the way to go as you’ll only be setting yourself up for disappointment so just go out there and date.

12.You can’t express yourself
Hard to believe as it may seem,maybe due to social awkwardness or other reasons, some people find it hard or don’t know hot to express themselves and lose out experiencing beautiful relationships. Learn to express your feelings even if its reciprocated or not.

13.You don’t put yourself out there
As the popular internet slang says “shoot your shot”, we now see people taking chances to meet new people they fancy by asking them out on several platforms.
Note that if you wait for fate to drop Mr/Mrs. Right on your laps then you’re up for a disappointment as in this case, you have to take the bull by the horn. Also don’t shy away from social events,who know who you may meet.

Read More »

Wednesday, 18 July 2018

Five Signs That Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You

Sometimes you don’t need to be relationship experts to notice the obvious signs of a disrespectful partner but often times we allow our emotions to cloud our judgments.

There’s a popular misconception that respect between romantic partners means to control, meeting demands or submission. Respect, however, is the admiration for one another and the ability to understand that other people may view life differently than you. Seeing them for who they are and what their beliefs and rather than trying to mould them into what we think they should be defined as respect.

Here are five signs of a disrespectful partner;

They Don’t Listen To You
Having someone who can listen to you at your best and worst moments in life is one of the essentials of a relationship so also is being an active and attentive listener.

When you start to feel as though your partner is constantly giving you a lesser than average amount of attention or shows little interest when talking to you even, then that may be a sign that they don’t respect you enough.

They Lie to You
Honesty and openness are underrated in the modern day relationship. An early sign or indicator of a disrespectful partner is one that constantly lies about trivial things as being open and honest with your partner is one of the building blocks of any healthy relationship.

Lying to your partner makes them feel as though they don’t deserve to know the truth and this is not the best feeling.

They Don’t Prioritize You
Noone ever wants to be the second option in any scenario which is why it is necessary to always consider your partner when making plans and not as an afterthought. If your partner doesn’t seem to care about making or keeping plans with you,or if your partner constantly prefers to spend time with friends rather than with you, then that’s a major sign of disrespect. Also showing up late to dinners, events or even cancelling at last minute could be a sign of disrespect.

They Give You The Silent Treatment
Although it is understandable that people react differently to misunderstandings, the only way to grow amidst occasional disagreements is to have an effective communication system.

The silent treatment is a serious disrespectful manipulation tactic which according to Dr Fran Walfish a Psychotherapist, Author, and Relationship Expert,”The silent treatment functions to keep the receiver in suspense of what will happen, and unsure of what they did wrong and how bad it is.

They Give Sexual Or Romantic Attention To Others
Most people can’t take what they dish which is why when your partner constantly speaks or jokes about being attracted or interested in someone else, then that is massively disrespectful of you and your relationship.

When your catch or notice your partner staring at someone right in your presence, its a sign that they have little or no respect for you or your feelings.
Read More »

Sunday, 15 July 2018

Sex On The First Date Doesn’t Make You Cheap – Twitter User (photos)

A twitter user Mhyiss oyin dropped a bomb tweet on twitter recently Saying Sex on the first date doesn’t make you cheap it’s called relationship interview.

See hilarious responses below.


Read More »

Saturday, 14 July 2018

What do I do to keep him?

Here’s a message that a lady sent me, recently. My response comes after the message.

Read her first…
“I met a guy during our service days and we became good friends. Our closeness was so deep that it naturally assumed the status of a relationship. Back then, he got angry with any male Corper that came close to me and (on his own part)…he does everything humanly possible to keep his distance from females.

“The last day of service before he left, he said he would come back for me. But communication between us was broken for two years.

“Recently, he has re-appeared. And began to communicate in earnest.

We are back as if nothing happened. We are both not in any relationship. I fear that he might disappear on me again.


“What do I do to keep him? I love him for who he is. Even from afar, he still wants to know my every move. He promised to come see me in my state when he is on leave. He is 31 now and I am 29.
I am a school-teacher, although I read Mass communication. He is a medical doctor.”

FROM OBY…
I will be on my guard (emotionally) with someone who disappears and re-appears…especially for no reason. Stability in matters of the heart is NOT their strongest point.

People WHO ARE SERIOUS ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP CARRY EACH OTHER ALONG.
Staying in touch is the EASIEST effort that whoever envisages a future with you can make. But it’s also possible he has doubts about your own seriousness towards him since it didn’t seem you tried ENOUGH to communicate.

Thanks to the social media…there are more avenues to stay in touch with minimal inconvenience to self. I know that distance tests relationships, but it’s even in the commitment to stay in touch (against all odds) that one can gauge the seriousness of the parties involved.

I am saying this because the relationship that someone does at his/her CONVENIENCE isn’t as deep in commitment like the one that he/she goes out of his/her way to NURTURE.

So, I will advise you slow down your expectations and watch things first, lest you hang your hope in the air. I am also not comfortable with this line ‘’what do I do to keep him?’’
I sense a tad of desperation there.

What do you mean KEEP HIM? Why should you KEEP HIM?
You keep being yourself…if it leads to the next level-thank God. And if not…stay positive…yours will come. If he came back after a communication hiatus of two years, it means that you have been in his mind all along. And there is something about you that made him look back. Do you think he has not tried his luck elsewhere?

Please, relax. And learn to go one day at a time with relationships. Don’t be ahead of yourself with expectations. But give him the NECESSARY green light to understand that if he is game…you are also game. Since both of you are available at the moment.

You can be positive without expecting too much…you know?
Let me also make one thing clear…

Being in a relationship with a fellow teacher who cares will benefit your whole being more than being in a relationship with a doctor that messes with your emotions, unless emotional fulfillment is not a priority here. Here, we know how to date ‘status’ and not the individual bearing that status.

The PROMISE that he would come and see you LATER….doesn’t sound like a typical man who is EAGER to continue where you left off.

There’s one thing that I (especially) do not handle so well in relationships.

Someone (with whom I have been having intimate communications) suddenly disappearing/going incommunicado on me…even when I have made efforts to draw him or her out.

I don’t usually have the patience (is it humility?) to wait for them to come around.
I only pray that they meet me still available and (most especially!) interested…when they get over themselves.

You don’t do that to anybody. If you have moved on…keep going.
If it doesn’t pay you…branch off with someone else. Anything more will seem like attempting to destabilise the pieces that one has managed to pick up.


If I mean anything to you, don’t go COLD on me like that. Ask for a break…I will understand.
And if there are issues worrying you…TALK TO ME.

What are we (again?) to each other if you have to keep it all in and then make me bear the brunt?
Nah! Better you continue to face ‘front’ o.

You will not come back to meet the SAME girl (you left in the cold).

And very few of your excuses will fly.
…but this is me.
Read More »

Five Things to Know He Really Likes You

More often than not men think that they are good at hiding their feelings but half of the time they are not, which is why it is generally easy to tell when they like you.

However, because the world of relationships is so confusing and complicated you may need a little help decoding these signs, we’ve got you.

Here are five signs that he really likes you;

1.He wants you to meet his friends
Meeting each other’s friends is a stage you need to go through way before you get to the stage of meeting each other’s parents.

2.This is his way of seeing how you fit into his life and his way of determining what you think of the people he cares most about.

3.He is not ashamed of PDA

Little affection in public from someone you love means a lot, if you notice that lately, he has a habit of resting his hand on your shoulder, or grabbing your hand first, these little things are a good sign he’s super into you.

4.He does not look at his phone when you are hanging out
First of all, it’s just plain rude in general to be on your phone the whole time you’re with anyone. Nevertheless, it is something we are all guilty of. If your crush manages to focus only on you the whole time you are together, it is a good sign he really likes you.

5.He wants to show you things he really likes
Showing a person your favourite things is just to see if they are also into those things, and wanting to show them more of yourself. If he is sharing things that he likes with you, he definitely likes you. It is usually as simple as that.
Read More »

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

My Experience With A Lady I Intend to marry

This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.

I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.

But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.

A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.

I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.

I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.

Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all
Read More »

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Ask Dr Maymunah: Will I Die Lonely?

Q:
I’m 29 and single. My mates are moving forward with their lives, getting married and even having children, yet I’m still struggling to get a second date. I try so hard to be the type of woman anyone would want to marry. I am smart, educated, a good home-maker, a cook and financially independent. I consider myself beautiful – sexy even.

Why doesn’t anyone want me? I have a good job and a healthy social life. I am physically active and I have seen men stare at my behind when I jog. So why is it that I am stuck? I feel like I am running mad. Will I die alone? Please, doctor. Help me!

– Sarah, Lagos

A:
Dear Sarah,

It is not about you having a problem. A lot of people feel this way, like the people around you are moving forward yet your life seems to be standing still or, worse, going backwards. The fact is, this isn’t a board game. No one is moving ahead several spaces by getting married or having kids. That is not the way life works. Some people who are married or have kids feel stuck, like they are not living their lives the way they should or want to.

You cannot keep comparing yourself to others because, as the saying goes, “There is a time for everything.” Look inward, discover what you truly want and desire, and cultivate a life that you enjoy, one not dependent on ‘achievements’.

I’m not saying that it is wrong for you to feel a little panicky about your life when you take part in someone’s celebration of something you’re not sure you will ever have. If you truly want to get married and have kids, it is okay to feel scared that you will not get your dream. However, to have that dream means opening up to someone, and you cannot successfully do that if you are scrabbling and rushing to achieve something. If you are not completely accepting of who you are, then work to achieve that.

Additionally, do not diminish yourself by using negative language to talk about yourself or tell your story. Women tend to do this often because our culture always places these inaccurate, reductive expectations on us.


“You have to get married or be a mother to truly be a woman.” You’re doing the same thing to yourself every time you say, think or believe that being single means that something is wrong with you, you are a failure or getting left behind. It’s important to change your mindset. You don’t need to define your identity around being a mother or a wife just because you are a woman.
You have to redefine what “moving forward” means to you. Getting married and having children is not necessarily moving forward, and being single and childless is not stuck. Discover what your forward motion is, embrace it and own it with all your heart.

You need to learn to run your race. Recognise that change is inevitable and mostly beyond your control. Discover and love yourself. Do not rush or force things. Bit by bit, you will get to where you desire to be.

All the best!
Read More »

Tuesday, 19 June 2018

Oh No! This Girl Just Messed My Life Up, I Need Advice

Dear Leadfortressers, Please read and attend to this carefully,

We both met each other last year during admission struggle. Eventually we both were admitted into the same institution and I now had to use that opportunity to build a career relationship with her as we both have four years ahead to round up our goals.

She knows I’m not working, I’m just a student. I explained to her that our friendship may not be adventurous and lively but definitely after graduation and we get a good job we’ll both be smiling at the end and I’ll get her whatever she needs.

She accepted the relationship and we got started. But what baffles me is that whenever we plan on seeing, she’ll set the rendezvous at costly and class places like Matt Ice, chicken Republic,Nadia Bakery and glittering places so at the end my pockets are being drained.

First day I took her to chicken Republic and she ordered for fry rice and chicken with salad and Hollandia juice and I spent more than 3k.

The second time we met she took me to Matt Ice and ordered for an ice cream and I spent 2k. We’ve met for about 5 times and I must confess I’ve spent a lot.

The last time we met I took her to the school’s environs and she knowing quite too well that I won’t buy her a dime, she feigned as though she’ll collapse and lied to me that she has ulcer, she started crying and I wasn’t with cash on me so I feared and Went to the bank and withdrew 2k.

Took her to buka but she said she doesn’t eat at restaurant before I knew it i saw myself at matt ice again and she ordered for fry rice and chicken again.

Mehn I knew this girl wants to shatter my destiny. Na so I kukuma run after sorting the bills. Now I’m broke, no cash to sort myself in school, no money to get materials and handouts cos that girl drained me. Now I’ve invited her over to my apartment but she refused and said she doesn’t visit guys.

My friends have invited her to a night party and she has agreed and we plan on fuccking her style up. What’s your advise guys?

Should I just forget about her or I should go ahead and mess her up?
Read More »

Monday, 18 June 2018

AS A MAN THINKS

So I was listening to this influential, religious man, discuss with other panelists on his TV show and he was explaining and emphasizing the power of positive thinking. In his explanation, he says your thoughts are very powerful. What you think and meditate on daily becomes your reality. He went on to explain your thoughts being a force or an energy of a sort that attracts into your life the things you mostly think about. Everyone on the show got excited about his concept and he went on to link it to positive confessions. He said if you think positive thoughts and back it up with positive confessions, you will eventually experience that, which you’ve thought about and confessed.

Errrrn, wrong, it is not true! I’ve heard this ideology thought and preached by many people in several places and I’ve seen the audience get excited about it, but sorry to burst your bubble, it is not the complete truth. That is not how it works.

Many people perhaps quickly accept and adopt this way of visualizing life because it is absolutely convenient and relives one of intense work and responsibilities. Truth is you do not experience what you think and confess, you experience what you labour to chase, apprehend and hold on to.

Frankly speaking, I cannot sit in my house every day, and keep thinking I’m a billionaire and keep confessing I’m a billionaire, I’m a billionaire and just because I’ve thought about it hard enough and confessing it every day for a whole year, billions will suddenly show up in my bank account. It does not work that way. This concept of thinking and becoming, if not well explained is suspicious, fraudulent and misleading.

I mean lets apply common sense to this, I cannot tell my daughter who wants to become a medical doctor to sit in the house and keep thinking she’s one and confessing it daily and we’d just hope that after regular and intense confession for five to ten years, she would be qualified to take the oath and begin to practice medicine, No way!

Oh, I’ve seen many people, so many people misunderstand the power of positive thinking and confession. My dear friend, the popular saying that “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he”, is a formula, not an answer or a solution.

A formula is a method or procedure for achieving an answer, a formula is not an answer to anything.  If a formula is a method or a procedure, then it requires a set of actions from you, it requires you follow the procedure in order for it to deliver the results expected.

Memorizing a formula, quoting a formula, confessing a formula will never give you the answer no matter how correctly you know it and have written it down, until and unless you key in the essential values required for the formula to deliver the answer to the problem or sum. No sane teacher will score you excellent for writing down a formula without applying it to solving the problem.

As a man thinks is a formula in life, hence you need to key in the right values in the right order for you to obtain correct answers in the areas where you want your thoughts to manifest as reality.

You see, between when you engage positive thoughts and you eventually experience your positive expectations, there is a process and some values you must reckon with and apply. What are these values you need to key into the positive thinking formula? I’ll tell you.

Number 1. A well-defined and clearly stated expectation. – What exactly you want and expect must be clearly known and identified. I want a car is not a clear positive expectation, I want a BMW X6, 2015 model, Black in color, leather seats, America spec, is a well-defined, clearly stated positive expectation.

Number 2. The right attitude. The right attitude is the way you mentally and psychologically respond and react to what you expect. If you want this car, BMW X6, in your mind it should become impossible to see or find another car appealing no matter how exciting, attractive, compelling and affordable. You will focus entirely on that which you want and that which you do not want will exit your mental and life space.

The right behaviors. If you really want something, there are certain things you must DO, to get what you think. Knowing exactly what you want and shunning the ones you do not want amounts to nothing if you’re unwilling to work and labor and pursue that which you want. So if you want this BMW X6, it is not a cheap car, you must be willing to work hard, earn the required amount that can pay for the car. The kind of effort and labour required to buy this model of a car off the shelf is not cheap, easy or commonplace, so your behavior towards buying this car, should not be regular, as usual, or as common.
The right sacrifices. – In life you must give something to get something. Sacrifice is the master key to access. Opportunity cost must apply. For example, you may have to give up several hours of sleep to invest more hours in work so as to raise the money. You may also have to suspend regular investment in clothing, leisure, travels, and even savings in order to buy the car. A vital value in this thinking and becoming formula is sacrifice.
The right priorities. To obtain what you’re thinking about positively, you must set and get your priorities right. You must focus and do the right things, not what is convenient, common or exciting. To obtain the funds to buy this car in question, hard work is not enough, valuable work is the key. You must be doing something, working somewhere, offering a product or service that returns sufficient money to make the car affordable. You don’t invest time and energy working on what you like, what is easy or what you enjoy doing, you spend time and energy working on what people are willing to pay good money for. Do the right work, not just hard work.
The right association. To enjoy collective positive energy that attracts what you want into your life, you must associate and regularly mingle with people with your kind of dreams and expectations. You can’t be around people who will mock your desires, dreams and ambition because they underrate you or perhaps don’t think much of themselves either. If you want to buy an X6 BMW, be wise to keep company with people who want to own such a car or even private jets. Their influence and positive energy will be unbelievable. The right association is a vital value you must key into your thinking and becoming formula.
Ladies and gentlemen, do not be deceived, a man does not eventually become what he thinks about, neither does he become what he confesses. You become what you think about, what you’re clear about, what you focus on, what you develop the right attitude for; what you labor adequately and correctly for, make sacrifices for, make priority of and seek the right association for.

These are the vital values you must key into the thinking and becoming formula for it to be real in your life. Enough of the subtle deception and half-truths.

Enough of these ideologies that promote indolence and unrealistic desires and ambition. If you want anything, if you want to become anything, beyond thinking and confessing, you must apply yourself, apply your mind, apply your time, apply your skills, competence, knowledge and capacity, you must apply all that is needed to earn it. Life is not magic, life is a reality. As a man thinketh, so is he? Rethink this in reality and within context. The letter killeth. The spirit giveth life.
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Who Enjoys Sex The Most – Men Or Ladies?

Hello Guys,

Hope you are all doing good?

You clicked on this post cause you have a lot to say about this topic so get ready to express your mind below

A guy wrote online when he was asked who enjoys sex between both sides:

“To me, I think ladies enjoy and think more about sex.. A guy can sleep with 5 ladies and he forgets about it the next day.

But a lady keep remembering the sex she had especially if she reached her orgasm. That thought may go on in her minds for months if not years, that’s why you hear a lady scream her Ex bf name when another guy is drilling her.

Secondly, Ladies seems to take break up or cheat so hard because the guy has had sex with them countless time especially a newly disvirgined girl can go to the extent of cursing the guy unlike a newly disvirgined guy take it as a normal thing.”

Hmm na wa oh

So Guys, Who Enjoys Sex Between Men & Ladies?
Let’s hear from you all.
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FOR LADIES: Helping A Man Make Up His Mind

People say when you fall in love, you put your heart at risk. Although many people can relate to this saying, it shouldn’t be.

Falling in love is one of the most beautiful things on the planet. Knowing that you are loved can literally transform your life and give you strength to do things you never knew you could.

Yet, your mind can entertain mixed signals when you are uncertain that your partner loves you as much as you do.

Often times, men are scared of committing not because they do not want to but a lot of thought that goes into the relationship. In this regard, they consider if they are mental, physically and financially fit and if it is you they really want.

He can continue to treat you like the girlfriend you have always wanted to be but will not want an exclusive relationship. This gesture is enough to make you question your relationship status for years.

To avoid this headache, go unconventional.

Ask him what he wants in a gentle and loving manner. Let him know that you can move on if he is not ready to take it a bit further.

We know you have heard that it is not in the woman’s place to ask important questions like this. But the times are changing. You have to define what your relationship so that you prevent heartaches or have your beautiful love story. It will also make you understand and see the truth of what he thinks of your “relationship”.

If you do not want to ask, ask with your actions. Don’t know how?

Get involved in an activity that does not include him. It could be a sporting activity or a vacation. If he really loves you, he’d want to be involved in things that you are interested in especially if he knows that there will be other men available.

You might be scared that you will lose him but if you begin to think that one wants to forgo what they cherish, you’d appreciate this stance altogether.

Why wait when you need the truth?
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My Girlfriend Slept With My Cousin.. Pls Advice

Image result for cheating in relationship
So me and my girl have been together for about 2years, and she was the one who approached me. but regardless I love her and we are mentally married even planned a future together.
This morning she went to charge her phone somewhere, and I also went to charge mine too, so I just went to to her whstsapp and saw her complaining of pain due to the rough sex.
my heart has been shattered I dnt even know what to do... this my cousin is way older than me and is married, if I confront her Shey may tell him and he may try to hurt me. so pls guys tell me what to do?
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FOR LADIES: Things Every Lady Should Do Before Getting Married

Every lady needs to be mentally, physically and emotionally ready before getting married. Yes! marriage takes a lot to make it work. For many women, marriage is something they’ve been looking forward to since they were a little girl. While it’s undoubtedly an exciting and momentous experience in life, it’s far from the only life-changing and all-important event. For this reason, it’s best not to rush your trip down to the altar. This is true even if you’ve been with your significant other for several years  or even decades.

Below are some lists that can help prepare you mentally, emotionally and physically for a successful and long-lasting marriage.

1.Create a Life That You Love *Without* a Partner
That way, when he shows up, you’re already grounded. You’re not dependent on him, and you'll be more likely to find someone who loves you and your passions.

2. Create a List of Five Values It's Important Your Partner Has
Say, for example, that finding a partner who follows a sustainable lifestyle is absolutely crucial for you. Put that on the list as a reminder not to compromise on your core values. Disclaimer: If you feel that your priorities are shifting and that what you thought was a dealbreaker value isn't really a dealbreaker value anymore, then by all means, change your list. It's not set in stone. But if the guy you're heading down the aisle with right now doesn't meet one of the criteria on your list—and you still feel it's important—then it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship before you make a big mistake.

3.Learn How to Be Alone without Being Lonely
Need some help? Try taking yourself to dinner once a week or planning one night a week just for you. You’ll find that whatever you choose to do in those moments is what you really want to do. And knowing how to “find your chill” is crucial because it means that you don’t need outside validation to feel whole—and you don’t put unfair expectations on your partner to keep you entertained. In turn, you’ll likely encourage your partner to pursue his hobbies, too, which will create a healthy interdependent relationship. It’s better to rely on each other completely equally than to have one person do the heavy lifting, which will likely cause tension down the line.


4.Create Time and Space in Your Life for a Relationship
You know that whole idea of "If you build it, they will come?" The same goes for your love life: If you make room in your life for a relationship, you're way more likely to find that one falls into place. And if you have an S.O. but don’t invest enough time or effort into your partnership, chances are you won't have it for long.

5. Agree on How You and Your Partner Will Handle Your Finances.
You may have been managing your own finances for a while now, but once you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, figuring out how to share a bank account can get tricky. Discuss financial biggies (read: any potential debt you'll need to manage, what you're comfortable paying for rent or a mortgage, what the price cutoff should be for discussing an impulse purchase, how much you want to try to save each month, etc.) in advance so you know what you’re dealing with from the get-go.

6. Stop sharing every detail of your relationship with others
When you first met or started dating, you might have unveiled every tiny detail about your now  to your friends and maybe even your family. But now that you’re serious, it's important to preserve and protect the integrity of the relationship. “When you get mad, no Facebook rants or cryptic quotes about a fight you may be having and no more calling all of your friends for consensus about whether you are right or wrong in an argument,” says Nelson. “Your marriage is sacred and what happens in your relationship needs to stay in your relationship.” She suggests instead, leaning on a trusted best friend to blow off steam or find a therapist that you can confide in and learn skills to be a better mate and get through conflicts.

7. Learn To Cook
No, Noodles doesn’t count as food. 
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Saturday, 16 June 2018

MAKING YOUR IMPACT.

Sometimes as ordinary people, we are tempted to hold on to that which we consider quite important in life, we actually subjugate the power of our life itself.

Many times because we’re desperate about job security, financial security, social security and basic comfort, we trade off important choices, decisions and positions in life for temporary relief that may return dire consequences in the future.

It’s quite rife to come across people who today are in employment and holding on to jobs quite different from what they actually studied in school, this aberration is not even as bad as the fact that many also over the years keep moving from one job type to another, from one department to another, from one industry to another. For example, I know people who have moved from marketing to sales, to finance, to procurement, to customer service, to logistics, to admin, to HR in different companies just within a few years. This may sound quite normal to many Nigerians but in other well-organized climes, it is quite abnormal.

My latest experience is someone I know who used to be in sales, then he moved to audit, then to HR and today he’s into printing. He prints large format outdoor materials and also prints on point of sales items.

I also know a lady who used to be a caterer, then she started an Events Company, then went into serving drinks and mixes at events, then into sales of fabrics and shoes, then she ventured into makeup and today she’s a phone and accessory dealer; sorry she also sold hair extensions and wigs at a point.

Why do people do this? I think it’s simply for survival reasons. People keep looking for the most lucrative and rewarding ventures that will provide enough money to pay their bills and provide a comfortable lifestyle for today.

People move from one department to another, from one job description to another, from one industry or organization to another, essentially in that bid to earn more money.                                                                                                                                                          For Audio Version Click here

With eyes on immediate gain and the short run, it may appear like a wise thing to do, but in the long run, it’s a dangerous way of building yourself, modeling your life and securing a great future. This kind of style jeopardizes a stable and great future.

You see, in this life, there is a season when your knowledge and hard work can earn you income and sustain you, but after that season comes another when your name and reputation will be the essential requirement for your earning ability.

In the world of commerce, typically people don’t go shopping for goods and services, people go shopping for reputation – known and trusted names. In business, people don’t just buy products they buy names. That’s why advertisers invest so much in advertising so as to build a strong name and reputation and consequently enjoy what is called a top of mind recall for their own brands. When you want to buy any product for example, you’re more likely to refer to it by the most popular brand name in the market, not by the generic name of the product. That’s why sometimes, a product name has become the generic name for some products in the marketplace. These brand names that are now used to refer to the general name of the product, have built a reputation over the years through consistency, focus, steadiness, regularity, communication and integrity.

Dear friend, this is not just applicable to products, it applies to you as well. Companies and customers buy you and buy from you based on your reputation, steadiness, regularity and expertise. Employers and clients come to you based on your reputation – what they know you for, what they know you do, can do and you do well.

In a bid to feed and pay immediate bills, if you keep moving from one place to another, from one business to another, from one job type to another, from one skill sets to another, you will eventually confuse everyone in a position to pay you and reward you for whatever it is you can do. They will no longer be sure as to what skills, capacities or products to buy from you, hence you wouldn’t have a marketable reputation; you would have confused your potential buyers and value rewarders.

To paint a clearer picture, if you speak to an artisan that says he’s a bricklayer, but can do interior decor, and also electrical works, can do carpentry, and he does plumbing works as well, you will no doubt be skeptical about engaging him for any of these services. But if another comes and says I’m a bricklayer; and that’s all I do, you’re more likely to feel comfortable with him handling your bricklaying job that that one who says he does everything. It’s just natural. It’s a jack of all trade, master of none judgement.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it’s time you build for yourself a business or career reputation. It’s time to make up your mind on what exactly you’d like to do rather than being distracted and derailed by seemingly more financially rewarding vocations, businesses and tasks.

It is actually not what you do that is the key to financial breakthrough, it is how excellent you are and the number of people that know what you do and want your services that determine how rich you’ll eventually become – still focused on doing what you want to do.

My dear friend, what do you really want to do? What are you excited and passionate about doing, that many people need and are willing to pay for? I assure you if you stay long enough at it and work hard enough at it, you will eventually begin to earn big time from it.

When you do something well and long enough, people will know you for it and introduce new clients and customers to you, and if your quality of goods and services remain fantastic and affordable, you’re made already.

Dear friend, don’t let the immediate fear of lack and insufficiency push you away and distract you from building a good reputation around and at what you love, and many people want and would like to pay for. The fact the reward isn’t really that much today does not mean it won’t be surplus tomorrow, hey, you’re still growing. A great reputation and brand image does not happen suddenly, it’s built over time.

Many of us fail at many things because we’re too impatient and won’t give things enough growth and maturity time, we want an instant breakthrough. This is not sustainable.

Dear friend, what do you want to do? What do you want to be known for? It’s time to think beyond “what shall we eat and what shall we drink”, it’s time to begin to build your life from bottom up; from a solid foundation to the rooftop in order to make a great impact in this life with your life.

In what area or industry do you think you can make your maximum impact? Where is your natural place of excellence? Where is your position and place in this world? What are you gifted at, passionate about and is obviously of great commercial value?  What is that thing you’ll be glad to do and keep doing and keep growing at for the rest of your life? What profession or business would you like to be described by when people are discussing you?

Staying with a thing and being focused on it grows you faster and makes you stronger professionally, than when you’re distracted trying to do many things or moving from one thing to another, one business to another.

Dear friend, where is your place of impact? What reputation are you building for yourself? When your name comes to the mind of people, what solution comes to their mind? How are you a solution in their lives? What answers do you have for them? What sort of comfort or consolation are you to them by being alive and nearby?

Dear friend, stay focused, work hard and long at what you want to build your reputation with, don’t sabotage your future, don’t sell your birthright, don’t mortgage your destiny because of bills, start building your reputation today, make the right impact.
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Do Guys Prefer Sexy Hot Body Or A Beautiful Face?

We have seen what girls want, some wants hot body, some wants handsome face while others wants both... But I think guys own shud be more important than the ladies simply most ladies don't care about handsome or Hot Body e.g Adams oshiomole, iceberg and afeez owo (wife of mide martins). Guys which one do you prefer? A lady that is sexy and hot with correct figure or just beautiful and no figure.. 
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Thursday, 14 June 2018

Four Surprising Tips To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Related imageHappy couples and relationship enthusiasts say the formula for keeping a relationship strong include: spending time together, listening to each other, being there for each other. While these rituals are, of course, important and worthwhile, other underestimated things can also keep your relationship healthy.

1. Going on Exercise Dates
Exercising with your partner gives more time to be with each other while meeting each other’s health and fitness goals.
The thought of impressing your partner would definitely help you avoid lazing around while working out!

2. Ditch Your Phones
Rather than scrolling through Twitter or liking your friends photos on Instagram, keep your phones away and find an activity to do together or spark up a conversation.You can play a game, go for a walk, or just talk, but the important thing is that you are using the time for your phones to spend time together.


3. Do Home chores together
You do not necessarily have to fold laundry, but pick a household chore that you can work on together.
Maybe you can wash the dishes together, or do some work in the garden together. Whatever the task, focus on accomplishing it together.

4. Try Something New Together
Participating in a new activity together can keep the relationship exciting. Take a cooking class, volunteer at a charity organization, or take dance lessons together.

A willingness to learn something new can help you grow together as a couple.
Spend Time with Other Couples

Spending time with couples who have healthy relationships can be good for you. Look for couples who share your interest and have a strong relationship.

It can help remind you to keep the relationship exciting.
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Wednesday, 13 June 2018

Seven Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

Love may be a many-splendoured thing but, when it ends, the pain can be debilitating. The more passionate and out-of-this-world the highs are, the more agonising and devastating the lows tend to be.

At first, the last thing a heartbroken person wants is to recover. They’re too busy being in denial. What’s there to recover from when it hasn’t truly ended? Then denial gives way to anger; how could they, after everything?

Only when you acknowledge reality, then true healing can begin. These seven ways can help you mend your broken heart:

Feel the emotions
Allow yourself to feel it all. From the anger over what has happened to the fear that you may never find love again or the sheer anguish of having loved and lost. Grieve, but only for a while.

Stay away from love songs
Where there is no wood, the fire goes out. Don’t feed your pain! The songs about people in love will sharpen your sense of loss. The ones about heartbreak will cause you to sink deeper into misery. Other songs may make you want to beg your ex to take you back.


Don’t go begging
The urge to grovel at your ex’s feet and ask them to take you back may be strong, but you must be stronger. Whatever you do, don’t humiliate yourself by trying to change the mind of someone who has decided they do not want to be with you.

Let it go
A clean break offers the best chances for healing. Do not contact your ex, re-read their messages or stalk them on social media. Sever all ties, take them off all contact lists and don’t dwell on your memories with them. Your goal is to move forward and leave the past where it belongs: behind.


Closure is overrated
Don’t get hung up on it. Seeking for that last conversation or an explanation will only keep your heart from mending. Trying to go over everything with them for “closure” is not necessary for your healing. Getting closure is when you move on with your life.

Beware of the rebound
You will find love again, but don’t rush into it. Using someone else to get over your ex is unfair to that person. As soon as you begin to recover, people tend to start matchmaking and pressuring you into dating again. You need to be careful. Even if you meet the right person, starting a relationship before your heart has mended can set you up for disaster. Allow yourself to be whole again. That way, the right person will know the real you when they come along.

Enjoy yourself
Life isn’t all about being in a relationship. Relish friendships, delight in the work you do and revel in the warmth and comfort of loved ones. Find new passions, hobbies or projects. Every day is precious, so never waste a moment of it.
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Tuesday, 12 June 2018

How I Caught My Cheating Wife

I Am not really good at writing a composition but the whole thing started around last year November when I lost my job at a reputable company, things became really hard that my ex wife started with her attitude, someone I helped through her schooling, even opened a shop for her after our wedding.
Image result for cheating wife
She started losing interest in me because I was broke and there was no more love because I couldn't meet up to her demands. She became the bread winner around that time, things didn't go as expected for me, I needed to do a lot of things even pay for the rented apartment we were in and the landlord came with the eviction letter.

Things became really tough that she wasn't sleeping at home anymore, she would leave home for days and come back home and give me some little change and leave again, she started to live with her aunt and I became so lonely and useless in her eyes.

Eventually when I came up with the apartment money and we paid I decided I wasn't going to stay with her for a while and go out and look for a job, so as to avoid fight and arguments. She later called me that her boss from the USA was back and she was to go and meet him because they had a meeting to do so I said OK since I usually speak and text with his boss so I allowed her to go. So after I left home I got a job and I frequented coming home to see her and my baby. I later found out she began to lock her phone and I asked her for the password she wouldn't give it to me so I began to suspect her.

One day I eventually found the password and I unlocked it while she was asleep. I found out through a chat she had with her friend that she had sex with her said boss and she even bought a land without telling me all through the years we were together. I felt so betrayed and angry. I woke her up and asked her about it and she started crying and begging me.

I left home angrily and jilted. I was so devastated that I smoked a lot of weed that day and drank so much beer. I called my mom explained to her and later told her mom too. The next day her mom called me that she wanted to poison herself because of what she did. I sent her boss a message on WhatsApp and that one didn't even answer me because he knew what he did with my ex wife.

It's been months now since this happened and her mom calls me almost everyday begging me to forgive and forget but how do I forget, it's not easy for me because I can be having sex with her and be seeing her boss face.

I blocked her on Facebook and whatsapp but didn't block her calls or text message because of my baby when I need to send upkeep money. She calls me but I don't pick up. I know that I can't be with her anymore but she has the wedding certificate we got at the court wedding. I told her to give the photocopy of the certificate to my mom but she wouldn't do it.

Guys the reason why I wrote this is who has an idea on how to go about a divorce without the certificate because someone told me the certificate is important for the divorce. I don't know anything about it and my uncle even said the divorce will cost me a lot of money about 650k. I don't know it that's true too. Lol.

Please guys help out here. I have the proof of the chat and the audio conversation of the sex escapade with her boss so that will help in the court. My lovely daughter is 2 years now. How do I even collect my daughter from her. I have left all my property's for her because of my daughter and am starting my life afresh. Will the court be able to grant me my daughters custody although am not ready to train her myself but I have my mom who can do that for me.

In addition to all of this guy's if your girl or woman passwords her phone and doesn't show you her password be very careful she might be cheating because not only did I find out she had sex with her boss I also found out she was also on some random social media nonsense talking to some random guys and all that and that she also bought a land without telling me for 3 years we were together.

Thanks for learning from my story and God bless you guys.
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Thursday, 31 May 2018

How To Deal With Cheating in relationship

Question:
My husband is having an affair and it is not his first. I mean, the fact that I stayed with him even after finding him in our matrimonial bed with the housekeeper must say a lot about me.

My wonderful husband has cheated on me with his ex, his assistant, the neighbour’s sister, my personal trainer, my friends and, as I mentioned, the housekeeper. Each time, he says he’s sorry, it was a mistake, it was not going to happen again, but it always does, and I always stay, taking in the empty promises. I’m an educated, working woman. I am not financially tied to him and we are yet to have children. How can I trust him to be a good father when he is barely being a husband?

I’m writing this because I’m scared of what people will think, of what they will say and how they will treat me. I am not happy in my marriage and I don’t know if there is a point of ending this marriage to meet another guy who would do the same to me or be alone for the rest of my life. What should I do?

– Lolade, Lagos.
Image result for cheating in relationship

Answer:
Dear Lolade,

Affairs usually stem from problems at home. However, although you may play into the marital problems, you are never to blame for the affairs. He made a choice to break the vows he made to you and cannot blame you for his actions. Men habitually separate their infidelity from problems at home, so he may not even be aware of what is leading him to ‘look’ outside your marriage.

After the discovery of an affair, you naturally need time and space to process the betrayal. You’ll need a support system of trusted friends and/or family members to listen and help you get through this as sanely as possible.

Should you decide to stay, it is important that you get professional help as a couple and as individuals. Serial cheating is harder to resolve than one-time affairs, however, change is possible but difficult. It can be looked at and treated like an addiction. More importantly, he will need to understand that he has to regain your trust.

On your end, you will need to seek help to resolve your trust, unresolved relationship and sexual issues. The aftermath of discovering an affair (some describe it as having PTSD symptoms, with long-term repeat affairs and a toll on your mental health, confidence and self-esteem) can have long-term effects. This is why it is important to forgive, not for his peace of mind but yours.

Working towards forgiveness does not mean you forget or are immediately trusting; it is about letting go of the negative feeling hurting you more than it could ever hurt your husband. So, forgive but be wise in your future with your husband should you choose to stay.

On the other hand, should you choose to end the marriage, take your time before going into a new relationship. Lay out your ‘hard lines’ as soon as you can so your partner knows that it cannot go any further if there is no trust or total fidelity. Ultimately, you do not need a relationship to be happy. As you said, you are educated and financially independent with the world at your feet. It is important while healing from betrayals to ensure that you do not forget yourself. Treat yourself and take care of your health, both mental and physical.

Wishing you the very best.

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