HOW TO LIVE?

One of the most deceitful beliefs with humans is the idea that money can take care of most issues in one’s life.

The deceitfulness of riches is to believe it can make you a better individual. Money can answer many things except who you are. Money lacks the power to solve your character problems, personality flaws and identity crisis.

Money can package you well and make people think and assume all is well with you but I assure you, deep in within, you’ll know you’re still lacking something vital despite all you have. There will be this void money will not be able to fill.

Money lacks the power to transform you, it can only package you well and get you things; money lacks the power to make you a better human being.

To live is different from being alive. Many have a reputation for living but in reality they are just existing. They are bereft of what it truly means to live. Many pass through this world but never truly live.  They go through life without the satisfaction that comes with life. Many live their lives in measures far below what is possible and acceptable. You can live life abundantly and also live life insufficiently. The essence of life, the beauty of life, the fulfilment in life is a life lived in real joy, peace, happiness, fulfilment and with an unflinching courage to face death when it is time to go. Money has no answer for the grave, money has no answer for terminal illness, money has no answer for aging and money is useless after you’re dead, your reputation and legacy is what lives on when you’re dead.

Do you want to live a life of happiness? Do you want to live a great life? Are you tired of pain, frustration, stress, depression, emptiness, contest and competition? Are you tired of your weaknesses, limitations, bad habits and self-hate? Do you want to truly live? I’ll want to quickly share some real keys to living a full life. Living a life of fullness and meaning have got some critical keys, let me share them with you this morning.

KEY ONE LOVE.

Love is the most powerful force in the world. Love is the only solution to humanity crisis. Love is a combination of feelings and/or actions. Love is incomplete at the level of feelings, but is totally complete when there is action even if the feelings aren’t there. Love is primarily how you treat other people. To love others, you must love yourself first. Loving yourself is accepting yourself despite your flaws and weaknesses. If you can’t tolerate yourself, you can’t tolerate others, if you can’t love yourself you can’t love others. If you won’t accept yourself, you’ll be quick to judge and condemn others. Love is treating people right, not as they like. Love is about building people up, not indulging their indiscipline or self-hate leading them to self-destruction. Love is bringing out the best in oneself and others. Love is treating people right even if they don’t like you. Love is powerful.

KEY TWO JOY

Joy is not really a feeling, it’s a positive force that brings calmness and comportment; eliminating guilt, self-condemnation and self-hate. Joy is when there is an alignment between what your Spirit wants, what your soul receives and what your body does. Joy is released when your soul and flesh obeys your spirit. Joy is an energy produced when your tripartite nature agrees as one.

KEY THREE PEACE

Peace is not the absence of crisis or chaos in the world or in your life. Peace is an inner feeling of an assurance that at the end, all thing will work out in your favor. Peace is a product of trust. Trust is an outcome of believe and focus on the positive side of life. Peace is produced through positive expectations, confessions, thinking and actions. When you’re moral and you strife to retain a good conscience, you’ll have peace.

KEY FOUR PATIENCE.

Patience is accepting the fact that everything in life grows. Everything in life takes time. Patience is the ability to wait, ability to delay gratification and tolerate others in their growth processes. Patience is not just the ability to wait, but your attitude while you’re waiting. Patience is the ability to grow into your goals instead of chasing your goals. Patience is taking the time and discipline to earn, rather than rushing to obtain what you’re not ready and thoroughly prepared for. Patience builds in you the capacity to retain.

KEY FIVE KINDNESS.

Being kind is simply the restrain from judging people on a matter before we fully understand or before its fullness of time. Not every divorcee is a bad wife or a bad husband. Not everyone with a child outside of wedlock was promiscuous, not every poor person is lazy, not every cancer patient live a careless unhealthy life; not every HIV/AIDs victim got it through sex. Not every man of God is a fraudster, not every old aggressive woman in the village is a witch, not every step mother is wicked, and not all mothers in law are mean. No matter how bad a person or situation looks, kindness is not judging anything till all the facts are in place.

KEY SIX GOODNESS

Goodness is developing a passion for high quality. Goodness is shunning mediocrity and doing everything with a spirit of excellence. Goodness is not just being nice to people, it’s also being nice to things, being nice to your job, being nice to your properties, being nice to animals, the planet in whole. Treat your clothes well, your house well, your devices well, your shoes well, your hair well, your nails, the interior and exterior of your car. Don’t just respect people, respect things. Whatever it is you choose to do in life, be good at it. Don’t be a mediocre, be good.

KEY SEVEN FAITHFULNESS.

Faithfulness is simply the ability to remain loyal to a vision, ambition, purpose and original intent. Faithfulness is the decision to remain committed despite oppositions, obstacles, disappointments, criticism, great trails and temptations. Please get this, faithfulness is not the commitment to a person or vision that has derailed, faithfulness is the decision to remain committed to an original purpose, intent and vision. Following a derailed person, vision, mission or purpose is unfaithfulness.

KEY EIGHT GENTLENESS

This is simply the ability to remain calm, cool and collected even when everything goes haywire. Being abrasive, aggressive, disrespectful, forceful and noisy makes you look cheap and desperate even if you’re right. Being gentle is not a sign of cowardice, it’s a powerful strategy. Gentility is a powerful key.

KEY NINE SELF CONTROL

Self-control is simply the ability and determination to change yourself. It’s the power to say no to destructive things your body craves for. Self-control is the ability to change yourself when it becomes impossible to change a situation. Self-control is simply positive adaptation.

Ladies and gentlemen, these are the keys to living. Having these keys will bring you what money can never bring you. And guess what, if you have these, all the laws of nature will bow to you ‘cos against these keys there are no laws; even the law of riches and prosperity will bow. Dear friends, it’s time to live.

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COMFORT AND CONVICTION.

Many people really want to do well in life. We want to do well in life because it provides us with mental, emotional and psychological health. We want all the good things of life because they make us happy. Being educated brings happiness, being employed brings happiness, being married brings happiness, birthing babies brings happiness, being rich brings happiness, good health brings happiness, owning a house of your own brings happiness and being sure you can pay all your bills and defend yourself against any financial embarrassment brings happiness, but ladies and gentlemen, the happiness all these can bring you can never be sustained by all these. Happiness derived from achievements and acquisitions are temporary and transient. Such happiness is never perpetual.

This is simply because possessions and accomplishments are neutral elements, your perception and interpretation of these things at different times determine how you feel about them, not the things in themselves. That’s why at times you’re excited about your job and at other times, you’re not, sometimes you’re excited about your marriage and other times you’re not. Your marriage and your job may not have changed, but your experience, perception and interpretation of developments while in it, interfere with your emotional disposition towards these.

I’ve seen poor people laugh out loud and I’ve seen the rich cry bitterly, I’ve seen single people celebrate their single status and I’ve seen married people weep over their marriages. I’ve seen commuters laugh at one another and tease even in the rain and I’ve seen expensive car owners frown, hiss and look frustrated in their beautiful air-conditioned cars.

Dear friend, to live your life with the sole aim of pursuing happiness through chasing wants and needs is a delusion. Happiness does not come from what you have, own or have acquired, real happiness comes from following your conviction in life. True happiness does not come from the outside, it actually bubbles up from within.

It makes me personally sad to behold a nation like Nigeria with abundance of natural resources, a nation filled with extremely energetic, intelligent and creative people, miss their wealth in life, miss direction in life and trade off our prestigious place and position of pride in the world because the majority of us don’t truly know or understand the source of true happiness.

You can go far and wide, search all you can, but you’ll eventually discover that happiness and peace in life is a product of doing what you’re designed and created to do for others in this life. You can never be happy with a takers mentality, you can never be a happy person if you’re a selfish person.

You see, everyone in this world is created with a concern, a passion, a pain or interest in and for one area of humanity or the other. There is something about mankind, there is something about our relationships, there is something about our friendships; there is something about communal living that makes us feel responsible and accountable for others hence their opinion about us matter a great deal, this makes us real and normal as humans.

Any emotionally stable person is concerned and sensitive to the opinion of others in relation to himself or herself. This is a natural pointer to the fact that we all naturally owe humanity something.

Rejection, Isolation, seclusion, incarceration and exiles are various forms of punishment that tortures your psyche as a human being.  This is because you’re designed to live and interact and support humanity, now, if you feel tortured when alienated from people, it’s the proof you exist as a form of support element for humanity, you don’t just live or exist for yourself or to serve yourself alone, it’ll frustrate you. That’s why even the very rich and famous sometimes commit suicide.

No matter the number of people in and around your life, you’ll remain lonely and unhappy if you feel everyone owes you something and you owe no one nothing.

So there are many of us today who’s come some distance from where we started from, yes you now have the good job, you now hold that key position, yes, you’re now a manager, a director, an MD, a CEO, you’re now a successful business owner, yes, you’re now married, you appear to have those things you’ve ever wanted, you’re free from depression, frustration, lack, hurt and pain caused by circumstances in your past, but right now, you’re still not excited or happy in life. You, my friend, sincerely still don’t understand the purpose of what you now have.

Consequently, all the energy and sacrifice and effort made to go past your past and build your current life of accomplishments will inevitably, become instruments of oppression, intimidation, repression, subjugation and harassment of others because your current achievements didn’t bring the happiness you anticipated, so you take out your frustration on the people in and around your life.

You’d think everyone’s envies you, you think everyone is jealous, you think people want to take advantage, you think they want your downfall, you think they all don’t really like you and everyone is probably pretending and this, affects you a great deal.

Based on this thinking, you treat innocent people wrong and hurt them, they in turn take offence and start treating you badly too and in your so called achievements and accomplishments, you’re faced even, with new enemies, many troubles and many relationship crisis.

Dear friend, the lens through which you choose to see the world will go a long way in shaping your perspective in life and the authentic way to real happiness. Happiness in life is not about seeking comfort but manifesting your real humanitarian conviction.

Despite your many troubles, disappointments, betrayals, rejection and pain, despite how nasty people have treated you and loved ones hurt you to pieces, I know somewhere on your inside you’re still a kind, loving, caring and compassionate person. The pains, disappointments, betrayal and anguish of time past may have re-tuned your mind differently but I promise you, you’re naturally a kind and considerate person.

You naturally love to see people happy, satisfied and prosperous. It’s a natural human tendency. People that celebrate the pain of others do so as consolation for their own personal pains, not because they love to see other people hurt, but the thought, they’re not the only ones in pain or other people are even in worse situations, is kind of soothing for them.

Dear friend, what is that thing you know you should do for humanity? What is that desire you have for a better family, community, society and nation? What breaking news bothers, you, troubles you or depresses you? Who do you care about and what would you really want to do about them and their situation?

The decision to remain in your defined comfort zone, is the sacrifice of your authentic and perpetual happiness. You can’t be truly happy till you decide to spread happiness. Haven’t you observed the happiest moment for most people is when they throw lavish parties and many people are drinking, eating, dancing and celebrating on their account?

The more happiness you give, the more happiness you have. Your actual comfort zone is not your place of ease, rest or false security. Your real comfort zone is in the practice of your natural conviction about your role, duty and assignment in this world towards humanity.

Your effort to help the sick, your passion to protect children, your concern about troubled marriages, domestic violence and oppressed widows, your interest in singles, the youth and teenagers, your desire to see people prosper, your burden for internally displaced persons and refugees, your love to protect and provide for the poor, your care for young teenager parents and orphans, your passion for nation building and social order; dear friend, the place of attending to the pain and trouble of humanity as it touches you deeply is your true comfort zone in this world. Blessed are those who comfort others for they shall be comforted, as the God of all comfort will bring comfort into every area of their own lives as well – this is the key to perpetual happiness; your real comfort zone.

The day you’re willing to work at something to help someone who can’t repay you is the day true happiness shows up in your life. That place where you work to serve humanity and don’t bother about getting paid is your authentic comfort zone, dear friend, it’s time to shift.

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CONFRONT YOUR OPPOSITION

What makes us resolve time after time to improve, to make better decisions, to make better choices, and do the right things but, we really never get around to doing these things and we gradually slip back into our world and style of life as usual and forget all about the resolution to improve?

Why are we more inspired by what we hear than the will to do? Why do we always acknowledge the fact that we have better opportunities and prospects for great improvement, superlative performances and achievements yet, can’t just get around to manifesting the capacities?

Day after day, time after time, many of us indulge in listening to teachers and good speakers; some read to obtain more knowledge and answers to their various circumstances and life challenges, but putting into practice that which they now know so as to improve their lives appears to be so difficult hence, no improvements what so ever despite all the new and powerful knowledge. So daily you can’t help but come across very brilliant and knowledgeable but broke and frustrated Nigerians. The power to apply is not there.

Every now and again I speak to so many people on steps and procedures they can take to get out of a bad or difficult situation or even improve on their average life conditions; they love it, they accept it, applaud it and they inadvertently  just ignore implementation. They just revert to their normal way of doing things and in my interpretation remain satisfied by just the knowledge of the solution to their situation.

Apparently wisdom is the correct application of knowledge. What you know cannot help without you applying it to that situation.  Dear friend, if you really want to see significant improvement, you must take deliberate steps to apply what you know and have learnt.

I think also for many of us, there is an unruffled and secure zone we love to embrace because we are by nature not confrontational. We hate to confront situations, people and circumstances. We hate to be seen as troublesome or trouble makers. We are overly bothered about the opinion of others, we want everybody to like us, we don’t want to offend anyone and we pretend to be on everyone’s side whether we agree with them or not.  We feel comfortable when we are at peace with everyone, so we hate to disagree even if it hurts us. We love to be wanted and accepted, we hate to be alone in and with anything, we appreciate togetherness even if it’s taking us down. We want peace at all cost even it its graveyard peace.

Dear friend, may I say to you this morning that you may be somewhat disconnected with the reality of your life? Listen, every passing day you are aging and your time is running out?

Dear friend my challenge to you this morning is to wake up and fight. It’s time to fight complacency and become positively confrontational. Who and what is standing in your way to greater achievements and accomplishments? For every stagnation or retrogression there is someone or something responsible. Nothing just happens in life. Life is fashioned in a cause and effect manner. All things have causal factors. Someone and something is responsible for your situation weather you know it or not, it could even be you, accept it or not, believe it or not, there is something in the way of your greater self.

Please understand I’m not asking that you put up an offensive quarrel or fight, I’m asking that you must decide to stop bowing and bending to your oppositions and challenges. Stand up for what you want, what you desire and what you want to achieve. And may I introduce you to your most powerful opposition? It’s you, yes, you.

Dear friend, you can’t conquer what is on the outside unless and until you’ve conquered what is on the inside.

Some weeks ago a young married woman; about 23 years old with a daughter who works as a counter clerk in a supermarket in my neighborhood excitedly told me her funny experience. Married for about three years, her very quick tempered husband for all their married years took delight in beating up this young pretty wife. He was very mean and abusive, and beats her up at the drop of a hat. She’s been in and out of the hospital and attended several counselling sessions on this account and in fact friends and family have advised she leaves her husband before he kills her by accident but she wouldn’t listen as according to her she still loves him and she loves her daughter.

Before now when he begins to shout and approach her to hit her when in an argument, she would just go on her knees and begin to beg, then he would begin to beat, kick and hit her, but on this last occasion, as he approached her to hit her, she refused to kneel or beg instead she dared him to hit her, according to her, he slapped her and immediately she slapped him back, she said he was so shocked he couldn’t move, and after she did that all the love she had for him just faded away instantly and now she’s back with her parents with her daughter and she’s very happy and free. I smiled, I was glad she was now free and happy.

But if you, with me critically analyze the situation, she actually didn’t conquer her abusive husband, he wasn’t really the problem; she was the problem. Her refusal to reject that kind of treatment from day one was what made the beating linger for that long. Immediately she conquered herself, she conquered the situation. According to her, her husband has been coming to beg with his relatives promising to change and never to lift a finger against her again.

Dear friend, most of the issues you’re confronting today – stressing, manipulating and overpowering you is most likely by your permission. Your refusal to reject and psychologically confront your thought disposition towards the situation would make it linger for as long as you keep tolerating it.

My dear friend, I believe it’s time for you to stand up and in your mind confront every thinking and mindset that tolerates poverty, insufficiency, stagnation, inferiority, laziness and non-productivity in your life and career. I tell you, you are the way you are based on your own permission to be that way.

You are broke today because somehow in your mind, you’ve become tolerant of lack hence have refused to take consistent deliberate steps to stem the flow of poverty in your life. You’ve tolerated it to that point where it’s almost like your identity. In fact in your speaking at times, you make statements like we the poor! Taa!

Hence, when you go for counselling and listen to tapes, teaching realistic and practical steps out of poverty, you enjoy the teaching, appreciate the knowledge, get excited about the knowledge but because you are unwilling to confront that state of poverty, you condone it and jettison all you know and have learnt on how to escape poverty.

Many today are ‘hearers’ but not ‘doers’. It is only knowledge applied that profits! All that you know today, wise saying, principles, quotable quotes, philosophies and profound statements that you have memorized, put up as display message and status update on your phones and social media sites, all your shared broadcast about what great men of old have said, where is it applied in your own life?

The many books in your library, many tapes in your collection, newsletters and journals; all the lessons and insights, have they found relevance and expression in your own life?

Truth is a man can teach others how to be rich and remain poor if he does not personally app

ly what he teaches.

A boss can teach a subordinate how to become a managing director and the subordinate would become his managing director if that boss wouldn’t apply the principle he teaches.

My dear friend, enough of just knowledge and talking, it’s very easy to talk, it’s very easy to display and show off how much you know. It’s not so difficult to be crafty with words and poetic in expression, you can coin and develop as many wise inspirational sayings as possible and be a victim of what you address if you don’t apply what you know.

Dear friend, resolve today to confront all negative and mediocre mindset you carry. It’s really not in how much you know but in how much you apply and practice.

Do you realize at times because you know the answer you become careless with a problem? Then you make costly mistakes.

Confront that situation and overcome in your mind, pull all your emotional energy together and withstand all your oppositions. You are better than this, you can do more, can achieve more can deliver more than this. The best of you, the world is yet to see, I tell you, unleash your excellence and surprise yourself and everyone.

Rise up today and apply all you know; that’s what makes you wise my friend. Enjoy your day.

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Career Readiness: Whose Responsibility Is It, Anyway?

A funny thing happens during the time students begin to wrap up their college and career-preparation programs and prepare to enter the workforce. With diploma nearly in hand, they become very confident of their capabilities.

In pure academic terms, these students have every right to be proud. They have fulfilled the requirements necessary for a degree to be granted. Where many students misjudge, however, is in thinking they have developed the “soft skills” they’ll need to be successful at their first job. We know this miscalculation to be the case because we surveyed our own students and graduates this year, and the vast majority say they possess soft skills.

It’s understandable:  who doesn’t think that they’re a team player, a good listener and communicator, or has the potential for leadership at a company? After all, aren’t these skills one naturally picks up along his or her life’s journey? Well, as many employers will tell you—and have told us—not necessarily.

The reality is that the soft skills people who are just entering the workforce have learned, or possibly assimilated, aren’t up to the task when it comes to what employers want. A Harvard Business School report titled “Bridge the Gap: Rebuilding America’s Middle Skills,” says 44% of the executives surveyed indicated it was difficult to fill jobs because candidates lacked soft skills. That same study states that 85% of job success is from well-developed soft skills and just 15% from hard skills, or training for a specific job.

So where are soft skills truly learned, and more important, whose responsibility is it to imbue soft skills into would-be employees? Is it the students’, the educators’ or the employers’ duty to ensure that job candidates entering the workforce are truly workforce-ready? We’re convinced it’s the responsibility of all three parties. And educators are the first stop along the route to career readiness.

As an education company that has long carried the mantle of skills training, we believe creating work-ready graduates means teaching not only the foundational skills to do the job but also personal and interpersonal skills to succeed on the job. Recently, we launched our “Career Readiness Bootcamp,” a nine-module course that can be taken as part of our curriculum or for employers to offer as a standalone program to employees.

The bootcamp combines “personal effectiveness” skills that span both personal and people skills, including adaptability/flexibility, professionalism and respect, with “workplace competencies,” such as customer focus, problem solving and working with tools/technology. At the end of the course, we’re seeing students who now have complemented the “hard skills” they’ve learned at Penn Foster with the “soft skills” that make them extremely well-rounded and truly ready to begin a career in their chosen field.

Students must also acknowledge that they don’t have all the keys to a successful career just because they hold a diploma or degree. Simply having that leg up on another employee won’t make them good at their job. They need to humble themselves and believe they still have things to learn that will help them to continue to advance.

Likewise, employers—who say in survey after survey that personal skills, people skills, and workplace competencies are the skills they most want, yet also the skills most employees lack—can, and must take an active role, too. We already have scores of employer partners offering the Career Readiness Bootcamp internally, to ensure employees’ soft skills match their hard skills, particularly as a younger generation enters the workforce.

Penn Foster believes we should be there to support students during and after their education, teaching them the skills that will make a difference between success and failure in their first jobs and beyond. We now call upon students and employers to participate with us in this joint effort, with a goal nothing short of creating a more robust and successful workforce.

Career readiness: whose responsibility is it, anyway?  Ours, all of ours – educators, students and employers.

The greatest lesson my parents ever taught me is to have courage. They had the courage to take a risk and move from the comfort of the known to the promise and uncertainty of the unknown.

My parents immigrated to the United States from Bolivia for the same reason that every immigrant has: to create a better life for themselves and, in turn, a better future for their children. My parents did not speak English when I was a child, making it difficult for them to be fully involved in my education. Parent-teacher conferences with parents who spoke only Spanish and teachers who spoke only English was an experience that set me apart from my classmates. In my conferences, I was both a student to my teachers and a translator for my parents. However, those meetings had an unintended benefit. They sharpened my translation skills and taught me to have courage and confidence when speaking to people of authority.

I watched how hard my parents worked to provide for our family and it motivated me even more. I wanted to do right by them, to show them that their sacrifice was well worth it. Therefore, I inquired about every opportunity that was presented to me and took full advantage of the experiences I had. One of those opportunities was an amazing finance program, offered through my high school, led by a one-of-a-kind teacher, Mrs. Jennifer Brogan.

Jailene Villarroel, pictured fourth from the left.

For two years, Mrs. Brogan imparted to me a fundamental understanding of finance, both large-scale and personal finance. She affected my life outside the classroom as well, presenting me with opportunities to excel; opportunities that I wholeheartedly pursued. I was captain of my high school’s Federal Challenge team and took public speaking classes with Toastmasters. The encouragement I received from her pushed me outside of my comfort zone, helped me take more risks, and face unknown opportunities with grace and tenacity.

During my high school junior year, five students had the opportunity to work as Summer Interns at one of the “Big Four” accounting firms, KPMG. Mrs. Brogan nominated me because she saw how hard I worked throughout the finance program and felt I was capable enough to excel in this role. With support and coaching, I successfully progressed through the interview process and earned a spot as one of the five Summer Interns. Being in such a fast-paced work environment was nerve-wracking, but I stayed focused and reminded myself of the lesson my parents taught me. After successfully completing the summer internship at KPMG, I felt empowered to venture into other fields that piqued my interest, like social media marketing and writing. I sought out learning opportunities in various industries including the fashion and public relations industries. My parents’ words constantly echoed through my mind: “Have courage and take a risk!”

Like most kids, doing things alone scared me. As I grew up, that fear faded away. I saw the courage my parents had in immigrating to the United States, felt the encouragement of teachers like Mrs. Brogan, and experienced the rewards of having the courage to take risks. We should all heed the lessons my parents have taught me to propel ourselves forward, as professionals and as individuals. We should step out of our comfort zones more often, take more risks, and most of all be courageous.

Jailene Villarroel is currently a rising Junior at Pace University, double-majoring in International Management and Global Marketing.

The average employer spends seven seconds reviewing a resume, often screening out young adults like Jailene Villarroel. Please visit 7secondresume.org to learn more about an available pool of talented young adults that you may be missing out on.

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5 Qualities of Charismatic People. How Many Do You Have?

Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama have it. Their husbands also have it. The “it” is charisma. Girls and women talk about the power of charisma – how they want it and how they admire it. Like this response from a 17-year-old girl when I asked her why Hillary Clinton and Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, are on her top 10 list of women she admires: “They are charismatic. Who wouldn’t want to look up to a charismatic person?!”

And who wouldn’t want to be charismatic? Synonyms for charisma are alluring, bewitching, captivating, fascinating, charming, enchanting, engaging, magnetic and seductive. Charisma is powerful and charismatic people can make others "drink the Kool-Aid." When possessed by people like Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson, charisma is dangerously powerful. But when it’s used for good, triumphs that thirty something women face. Join the conversation today.

Let’s do a quick word association. Close your eyes and think of the word Charismatic. What famous people pop into your head? The first five people who pop into my head are Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Gloria Steinem, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton. They are followed by Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, Oprah, Steve Jobs and George Clooney.

This word association led me to this question: Can someone be charismatic to me, but not to you? I thought about the Beatles. When they arrived in the US in 1964, the Beatles were high on the charisma chart for girls, but low for parents. They had a ‘mop-top’ charisma. They were playful, 'fit together' and every girl thought I Want To Hold Your Hand was written just for her. The Beatles were mesmerizing to girls, but not so appealing to parents.

Why are some people charismatic and others are not? Are we born charismatic or do we cultivate it? And once you have it, can you lose it?

To dig deeper into the mysteries about charismatic people and to find answers to my questions, I went to Joyce Newman, President of the Newman Group. Joyce leads high level media, speaker and executive presence sessions for top executives, celebrity spokespersons, athletes and authors. Her clients include Booz Allen Hamilton, NARS Cosmetics, Hearst Magazines, Maybelline New York and Skadden, Arps. Joyce helps people find their personal style and tune into and turn on their charisma. Joyce shares her insights on charisma and how to be a charismatic person:

Everyone can be charismatic. We are not born charismatic - we cultivate it in many ways. One way is by observing and learning from people who you think are charismatic. You don’t need to copy them, but learn their secrets, try them on and fine-tune them until they fit you. It’s a trial and error process. Bad news is that once you have your charismatic status, you can lose it. Just look at Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan. But here’s the good news – if you lose it, with self awareness and effort, you can regain your charismatic ranking.

Here are 5 important qualities of a charismatic person – how many do you have?

1) Be Self Confident

Like yourself. It’s much easier for others to like you if you like yourself.

Be optimistic. Keep your glass half-full. Be enthusiastic.

Be comfortable with who you are. Be consistent.

Hold your own. Think Sheryl Sandberg – she holds her own in a male dominated geeky world and is still feminine. She knows herself and isn’t trying to be someone else.

Don’t: Trot out all your issues. No one wants to be with Debbie Downer. We all have problems, but compartmentalize them, park them in a corner and bring them out for close friends and family.

2) Tell Great Stories

"The universe is made of stories, not of atoms." (Muriel Rukeyser, Poet and Activist)

Speak with conviction. Use words like “I am sure” vs. tentative words like “I think, I hope and I feel.”

Be tuned into humor. Self-deprecating humor can included - it’s ok to tell a story about an embarrassing moment.

Be relevant. Know what’s happening in the world and around you. People want to be with people who are in the know.

Don’t: Confuse humor with bad joke telling. Don’t self-deprecate yourself out of the conversation. Don’t put yourself down so much that it takes away from who you are.

3) Body Speak

Be open and approachable. Gracious and graceful.

Walk up to someone, smile, make eye contact, shake hands. Introduce yourself by saying your name, "Hi, I'm Ann, Ann Roberts." That way people hear your voice twice.

Own the room when you walk into it. Think President Obama when he walks to the podium. Get your own personal swagger.

Don’t: Overdo it. When you smile, be authentic. If your smile is not in your eyes, people will know you're faking it.

4) Make The Conversation About The Other Person

Let the world revolve around the person you’re talking to.

Make the person feel like they are the only person on the planet at that time.

Immediately put others at ease and make them feel comfortable with you.

Don’t: Let your ego drive the conversation. We all have egos. If your ego is in overdrive, check it at the door.

5) Be A Good listener

You can’t remember everything, but remembering someone’s name is a biggie. Here’s a trick: When you are introduced to a person, immediately repeat their name. Example: “Amanda, it’s so nice to meet you.”

Listen with interest. Pay attention. Engage. Be empathetic.

Don’t: When you’re talking with someone at an event, do not check your cell phone or look around the room to see if someone more important is there. If you want to find someone more important, make the conversation brief and move on graciously.

Are you charismatic? How many of the 5 qualities do you have? What about your co-workers, boss, spouse, friends and family - how many qualities do they have?

Want to improve your charismatic rank? It’s never too late. Just cultivate it.

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THE GAME OF LIFE.

There are over seven billion people on earth today competing and contending for the resources in the world both human and material resources.

It’s not a fair game that promotes equality no, it’s a game of who’s got the most, as the more you have of human and material resources the more power and influence you garner in this world.

All men are born equal irrespective of location, parentage, race, color, tribe or gender advantages or disadvantages. You could be born into great wealth, affluence, even royalty and eventually lose everything. And you can be born into poverty and penury and become extremely rich even becoming a president of a great nation eventually, it’s all in how well you play your game of life.

Unfortunately, the majority fail in this game that’s why less than 10% of the people control over 90% of the resources in this world, both human and material resources today. The reason many fail is the inability to accept the realities of life being a concept of contest, competition and an intense play of opportunities, timing, chance and courage.

The world for humans is similar to a market place. Every human being is a product created and manufactured by the almighty. We are all here on display; preferred, purchased, patronized or rejected by potential customers based on various needs. Your ability to stand out as a great product will determine your access to human and material earning and wealth control.

Let me break this down, you see. In marketing, a product is not just a single basic item, No. A product is a combination of 5 layers and components which if ignored or disdained makes the whole product unattractive nor compelling for purchase in the market place.

A good marketer must understand his product from the clear differentiation and understanding of the 5 various components in order to compete effectively in the market place.

Every product either tangible or intangible is made up of these five components. They include, the core, the basic, the expected, the augmented and the potential component of a single product.

Knowing and understanding and managing these components successfully is what gives leading brands the edge and advantage in the market place over the struggling products.

Dear friend, you may right now, be tired of your struggles in life, you’re perhaps worried, troubles, anxious, insecure – working so hard yet having nothing much to show. You’ve tried so many things and they all seem to be leading nowhere, you are probably now exasperated, discouraged and indifferent. You have resigned to faith and as far as you’re concerned, whatever will happen should happen, you can’t kill yourself.

Some have given up on life and all they do now is pray and wish Jesus will come back soon – the wahala is too much.

Even right now, the last thing you probably want to do is go to the office today, you’re tired of that office, tired of the job and of everything, but you have no choice if you want to keep paying your bills and surviving.

To interpret your situation correctly my friend, you have become a possession, a resource, a belonging of someone who knows how to play the game of life better than you.

The most powerful people in this world don’t just own things, they own and control people as well. In this game of life, you’re either in control or you’re being controlled.

To truly be in this game of life, you must first acknowledge the fact that you are a product. You are created and produced by the almighty. You didn’t just appear on earth, you are a product; designed and tailor made by God to solve a particular problem, answer to a particular need and to birth a particular solution in this world. You are created to create, you are designed for solutions, you are crafted for answers, you are a well-crafted vessel, instrument and tool in the hands of the maker to achieve a certain purpose in this world.

Not knowing who you are, what you’re designed for, and what you’re meant to do is really the beginning of your challenges. Not knowing these important facts can at best, make you a successful failure in this life.

A life of daily frustration, distress, unhappiness, apprehension, depression and discouragement could be an indication of you being a right tool in the wrong place or a product in misuse and abuse. Sometimes you’re not the problem, where you work could be the problem.

Hence your daily work is not a pleasure and you’re not inspired, fulfilled or satisfied doing what you’re doing, because it’s not what you’re designed to do, hence your frequent emotional, mental, psychological and physical breakdown; you fall ill frequently, you’re the wrong tool for the job.

You’re doing what you’re not supposed to be doing, you’re doing what you’re not designed to do, you have conformed to the system and pattern of this world based on popular opinion, social acceptance, status, relevance and quick money so you probably now have the desires of your heart but it has brought leanness to your soul. Your soul is unhealthy and your mind is not sound despite all the money and the compliment and envy of friends, associates and family. In your heart, you know you’re misplaced. Phew!

To rediscover you and play competitively in this game of life, to have your advantage and be free from being controlled by the wishes and pleasures of superior players, you need to acknowledge the fact that you’re a product from God, and you have five important compartments and each must be understood and effectively deployed in order to win this game. These components are as follows:

1. YOUR CORE. This is your real self, who you really are. This is your spirit man. You must know you’re essentially a spirit, you live in a body and possess a soul. Hence, your body and soul must not control you, you must control them. The secret of your purpose is hidden in your spirit not your mind. Any problem in this life that attracts you, upsets you, touches you, makes you want to cry, and you feel a need to desperately do something, without fear and at your own risk, defines your core. Know your core.
2. YOUR BASIC. Your basic is your place. It is that aspect of life where you’re meant to function and deploy your core from and to. In other words, it’s your calling and it clearly defines your audience – the people you’re meant to help. Children, adults, women, the poor, widows, orphans, the masses, the aged, the married, the single, the divorced, the hungry, the displaced, the injured, the entrepreneur, the leaders, Africa etc. Your basic is who you’re called to.
3. YOUR EXPECTED. This is the strategy and approach to solving their problems and meeting their needs profitably. Profitably means you’re able to, from and through your place raise the funding for continuity. You must serve your audience in such a way that they are compelled to reward you financially for the solution you’re bringing. If not them, you must be able to attract people who will pay for you to keep serving your target with the solution you have for their needs and deprivation.
4. YOUR AUGMENTED. This is your attitude and behavior towards your target in your bid to meet their needs. You must be seen as kind, considerate, understanding, respectful, patient and tolerant of their weaknesses, ingratitude and sometimes treachery. The more you’re able to handle the evil done to you by the very people you came to help or save, the more valuable you become in life. The power not to retaliate, the power to repay evil with good enhances your brand equity and earning power.
5. YOUR POTENTIAL. This is your possibilities in how much resources you can and will eventually control in life. Your potential is the value of material resources and the number of human resources you will have control over subsequently in life. Continuous growth, self-development, openness to learning new things, capacity development, wisdom, knowledge and understanding will all keep expanding your potentials until you become a master in this game of life.

Dear friend, Join the less than 10& that control the 90% of both human and material resources in the world. Don’t just pass through live, make a mark. The whole creation eagerly awaits your manifestation, it’s a game of thrones, it’s a game of life; it’s time to manifest!

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THE NEW NORMAL ATTITUDE

As a nation, over the past two decades we have moved. We moved from an era of gainful employment that pays so well on the account of additional certifications and qualifications such that with your employment, you can be very comfortable and even rich. The era of MBA and being chartered in a field that would make you a corporate champion slowly but subsequently gave way to that era where making money became the most important factor irrespective of the source. Materialism took over from high level professionalism and how rich you are determined how relevant or respected you’ll become in our society.

The media and entertainers made plenty money and riches look like the most important thing, hence many people started going  for the money and not so much the respect and dignity of a technocrat or a corporate guru.

Rating and rankings of billionaire in Nigeria took the front burner in our thinking and inspiration as Nigerians, not how competent, skilled, knowledgeable or intellectually productive you are.

This vile orientation accentuated greatly, the menace of corruption and beyond individual corruption, the Nigerian system became highly infected with the virus of corruption.

In both private and public sectors, both employers and employees boldly lived above their legitimate means with impunity and disdain, and rather than being questioned or criticized, they were in fact applauded and celebrated by the vocal society. Cutting corners, taking bribes, inflating contracts, extortion and non-performance on contracts attracted no criticism or penalties whatsoever. An inexplicable era.

Thieves, treasury looters and criminals were celebrated as smart people who knew their way, they were called sharp and envied by many especially the deprived. And many people followed suit in looking for ways to steal from their employers and the government and even innocent people, some would cheat their clients, refuse to repay loans and suppliers, and internet fraudsters also began to trend big time.

Ladies and gentlemen, these two eras were quite prominent in the last three decades but guess what, a new day is here. To think we would ever return or revert to an era where stealing, looting and embezzlement would be celebrated and go unchecked is an illusion.

This I must say, has little to do with the effort of the current administration in fighting corruption as you may begin to assume that’s what I’m implying, the era of materialism and high level corruption is wounding down and will soon elapse based more on the transformation in the thinking and mindset of the people. The masses, the electorate. Ladies and gentlemen, people are tired!

Many Nigerians have changed and many are still changing. We are fast recovering from the suppression era of the military and many have today, found their voices and are questioning everything. I have hundreds of thousands of contacts and followers on social media and people are courageously expressing themselves. Nigerians are now bolder, asking questions and criticizing people, public officials, policies, developments, institutions and performance. Public outcry against anything negative, unacceptable and vile is trending and growing. Many Nigerians are now aware and the youth population – 45 years old and below that number over 100 million people, are becoming more interested, involved and enlightened when it comes to our national issues and the way forward.

There is a new normal, not driven by the government directly but through self-awareness and general enlightenment. There is a massive paradigm shift in our thinking as a people and our society, unfortunately only a few can recognize what is coming.

In a few years there is a specialist prediction of another global depression that will be quite severe and incidentally will be oil led. It’s called the T junction depression. Oil producing nations would be worst hit leading to job losses and all other attended consequences of a global depression.

If you’re not aware, getting ready or preparing for this development, you may be suddenly shocked.

Times have change, seasons come and seasons go, about 20 years ago or so, I used to work with Nitel, and I remember then there were less than 1 million lines in the country both official and private lines. We would conduct meter reading in my department, send out bills and cut off lines of customers owing. Customers would come to the office, pay reconnection fees and beg for their lines to be restored. Technicians will go out in that blue and white pickup van with ladders and tools to fix telephone cable lines and other installations after major rain falls. To get a new telephone line was a big deal then. But just 2 decades after, nearly every Nigerian has a phone.

Just three years ago, phones with key pads were everywhere, today, nearly all phones is touch screen. Desk top computers have given way to laptops, laptops to iPad and tabs and tabs and pads to very sophisticated GSM phone devices. Cyber cafes now exists on every one’s handset device. Cassette players gave way to CDs and today you have thousands of music saved up on your phone through virtual realities.

Change is the only constant thing in life, change is change whether it’s a good one or not it’s a matter of your opinion, perspectives, expectations and personal implications. How the dynamics of the environment serves you personally is what will qualify your change as a good one or otherwise.

Ladies and gentlemen, can’t you see it? The millennials are here! Impatient, high expectations, aggressive and very informed generation! Our digital natives are growing fast and wide, creativity, multiple skills, competence, capacity and entrepreneurship are the new normal, these days.

The era of paid employment is declining my friend. No matter the effort of the government and some citizens is creating jobs, improved technology replacing humans efficiently in the work place will keep frustrating the efforts. When a single app or software can replace hundreds of employees, do the job faster and more accurately, and come at a much cheaper rate, my dear friend, the massive employment era is over. Entrepreneurship is now the new normal.

Business ideas, solution mindedness, creativity, multiple skills and excellent competencies will rule the new normal.

The respect for plenty money and plenty possessions is about to lose its power, fresh respect for young, creative and aggressive entrepreneurs based on what they’re doing, creating and building will dominate the new normal Dear friend, Can’t you see it?

My dear friend, don’t get stuck in the thinking and approach of yesterday, don’t be too comfortable in today’s comfort zone either, if you do, tomorrow could shock you. It’s time to invest in what will make you relevant and valuable in this new normal if you feel young enough and still need income. It’s time to prepare your children not for how things are today, but how things would be in the near future. Many hitherto, respected courses and subjects and professions would become valueless and pay peanuts in the nearest future.

It’s time to acquire relevant skills, business capacities, entrepreneurship abilities and digital expertise. You can’t keep doing the same thing the same way and expect great results in a changing world, normal has changed!

Spend wise, spend right, spend on your mind; build your brain. To avoid being a victim in the next decade, embrace the new normal.

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– OPPORTUNITY COST.

The young lady was very beautiful, charming respectful and collected. She was an employee at one of the richest and most successful IT firms in Nigeria. She knelt again to say goodbye to her aunt as she hurriedly walked towards her parked brand new official car. She looked so happy, successful and progressive in life. She actually came to drop off her eight months old baby and her nanny at her aunt’s place before heading off to the office.

I saw admiration in the eyes of her aunt as she gazed at her 29 year old niece as she entered the back seat of her official car to be driven to work by her official driver.

He own mother had relocated to the UK 2 years earlier for medical attention and to spend some time with another one of her children. Hence the reason for bringing her baby to her aunt’s place.

As she drove off, the aunt realized I was looking at her and suddenly smiled, she shrugged and then sighed. “Opportunity is important in life”, she professed to me.  “Do you know my daughter was more brilliant than this girl while they were in school?” She continued, “See it now, she is doing very well and my brilliant daughter is a mere primary school mathematics teacher in a small school around the neighborhood. Opportunity is the determinant of fate in this world” she submitted.

I didn’t respond to her, I just smiled and kept my opinion to myself, it didn’t matter anyway, in that state of mind, anything I say contrary to her submission would offend or upset her, not help her. I just bade her farewell as well and went on to my own business.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve heard it before and you might have as well, people often hold lack of opportunity responsible for their less than glowing results in life. We’ve all heard people blame lack of opportunities for the reason why they are struggling and not doing so well in life.

Many believe if they are in certain environments, connected or related to certain people, their dream lives would automatically materialize. In fact some consider opportunity as an occasion that shows up and vanishes never to return into one’s life if missed. Ladies and gentlemen, this is not the complete truth.

What is an opportunity, I define an opportunity as a chance in life to do, create or become something desired.

Opportunity is that chance you need to do something, it’s that chance you need to showcase something, it’s that chance you need to build something, it is that chance you need to create something, it is that chance you need to become something and it’s the chance you need to access something. Opportunity is the willingness and ability to take your chances.

I assume many of us have heard the statement “opportunity comes but once”? This in my opinion is not also the complete truth. Opportunities don’t really come passé, opportunities abound around you and are ever present waiting and begging for you to take them.

Opportunities are like lovely products displayed on a shelf in a supermarket waiting for those with the ability and capacity, to pick them up and pay for them.

Opportunities are sometimes not presented in glorious attractive packages, opportunities are most times situations and problems waiting for solutions with a big and compelling reward for that person with the best solution or answer to the challenges and problems.

If you hence, take a good look around you in Nigeria, you see the very many problems everywhere you turn, if you look around and see many situations and challenges begging for someone who can solve them, it simply means you have more than enough opportunities to become great, relevant and prosperous in this country.

Even with this, opportunities are not readily available for anyone to take on just by wishing or asking, you must pay the price and buy your opportunities.

Opportunities for greatness in life are not taken, they are paid for; they are purchased with something valuable, that’s the meaning of opportunity cost. Opportunity cost is the cost of your opportunity. It means the payment or value you’re willing to give up so as to obtain an opportunity you desire.

In this life, you need to buy your opportunity, you need to give up something you value in order to obtain that which you desire, that’s your opportunity cost; the cost of obtaining a chance in life is opportunity cost.

The dictionary describes opportunity cost as the loss of other alternatives when a particular alternative is chosen. This simply are the things you give up to get the things you want. This is the cost of the opportunity.

If you want to advance, progress and achieve anything great in life, you must be willing and ready to give up something for it. Nothing on earth is free. All things are paid for, even gifts are paid for by the giver of the gift, your gift giver didn’t just take it from the gift shop; payment was made. In this life, nothing is really free.

Dear friend, what do you want in this life? What do you truly desire in this life? If other people have what you dream of, it could be an indication they have paid for that opportunity you are unwilling to pay for.

Payment for your opportunities could come in various forms, these could include cash, time, knowledge, capacity, character, exposure or useful relationships. It could be any or all of these.

You want to be outstanding at work, you want rapid promotion, you want to rise faster than your contemporaries but you’re unwilling to use your own cash to pay for courses and programs and trainings that will build your capacity, ability and knowledge for superiority? You’re perhaps waiting for your employer to pay for all the training you need, dear friend, this can’t give you the advantage you need over your contemporaries; you’re wasting your opportunities.

You want to transit from paid-employment to self-employment, or you’re about to retire to start running your own business but you’re unwilling to spend money and invest time on weekends perhaps, to attend institutions and business academies that will guide you and help you with the right approach to building a successful business in Nigeria, you want to relax and probably watch football or TV series and enjoy your weekends. Dear friend, you’re not taking your chances. If consequently, those who made the sacrifice begin to do much better than you, you claim they are lucky or have the opportunity, dear friend, you have the same opportunity; you’re just not taking them.

The ability to stay awake and study hard all night long for a season in order to pass a critical exam is the cost of that opportunity to work with a world class company and be paid millions per month. If you refuse to pay this price hence cant gain the employment and the salary it pays, don’t blame it on lack of opportunity. The opportunity was there but you were unwilling to pay the required price for it.

If instead of investing your cash in personal development, skill acquisition, intellectual growth, courses, programs and associations that will improve you and keep you relevant now and in future, you prefer to spend on designer clothes, gadgets, phones, cars, excess pleasure and leisure, don’t lament if the opportunity for relevance and a great future eludes you, you simply didn’t pay for it.

If you’re quite spiritual and not just religious, you’d realize the answers to your prayers and the blessings of God are delivered in packages of opportunities, not finished products.

Dear friend, that opportunity for you to be and become anything you want in life is right by your side, what are you ready to give as the price for that opportunity you want? Money, time, study, training or personal development? What is that opportunity asking for?

What are you willing to give up in order to apprehend your opportunity for greatness and achievements?  Dear friend, it’s time to give up empty friendships, excess TV, clubbing, social media addiction, too much sleep, too much leisure, pleasure and empty gist as the cost for more valuable things in life.

If you don’t pay the price for your opportunities, don’t judge or criticize or explain away the success of others who dared to pay the price as sheer luck.

Dear friend, you really don’t have all the time, another year is fast running out, how well have you grown this year? What have you accomplished, achieved or gained this year, or you’re still in the business of blaming and condemning and holding others responsible for your own responsibilities?

Dear friend, its time you go after every opportunity you want and buy it. What is the cost of that opportunity? Pay it. Earn it legitimately.

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